March 14, 2008

How to be happy....

I just finished reading this book and I thought Id post some of it here. I think this is a great book for anyone to read, not just women. The book was written by Dan Baker who also wrote What Happy People Know: How the New Science of Happiness Can Change Your Life for the Better . This one however is aimed at just women......its called What Happy Women Know: How New Findings in Positive Psychology Can Change Women's Lives for the Better .

Now Ive been accused of being happy alot and that's a good thing but I'm just like everyone else, not always happy and wondering why I'm not. I went thru alot of yrs of marriage and wasn't happy in them and yet people said I was always smiling so there must have been ways that I lived that worked around the bad stuff. When I met my current bf, everyone said that man makes me smile all the time. Even my dad said hes never see me so happy and never saw me smiling so much so something here must be right. Now true he is a good man and I am not going thru alot of the stuff with him I used to with the ex but still things are not perfect here all the time. Heck life isn't perfect all the time so .....why do I smile so much? I thought this book might have some answers and what I found in it is rather amazing at times.

Some of what we women deal with is genetic, actually ingrained in us since caveman days, some of course is because of society but people can actually LEARN to be happy even those who generally aren't very happy and predisposed that way. Even they can learn to raise their happiness once they understand it. Its a really good read so I do recommend it to everyone, even those who think they are happy. I thought Id like to list the major points tho from the end of the book to pique your interest and give you food for thought.


1. Happy women know that they can have meaningful, fulfilling and happy lives regardless of life's circumstances.

2. Happy women know that good enough is always good enough.

3. Happy women flow gracefully into the next decade and the next because they find things to love about themselves throughout their life cycles.

4. Happy women know that their worth is not determined by what they have or how they look but rather by successful relationships and emotional well-being.

5. Happy women know that admitting a problem exists is the first step toward changing it.

6. Happy women understand that no matter what they own, they will always feel a bit insecure about having enough and being enough, but they don't let these feelings rule their lives.

7. Happy women don't play the comparison game, because they know there will always be someone who has more than they do.

8. Happy women know that possessions are never enough to deliver happiness.

9. Happy women know they can be rich for life if they focus more on what they have than on what they want.

10. Happy women know that if you want to take care of others, you must first- or simultaneously- take care of yourself.

11. Happy women understand that today is all we can be sure of, and they know how to make the most of it.

12. Happy women know that saying no to others gives you the opportunity to say yes to yourself.

13. Happy women know that downtime is not a luxury; it is essential to well-being.

14. Happy women understand the importance of having personal power, which means their lives belong to them.

15. Happy women know that taking personal responsibility for what they have and haven't done leads to a powerful and fulling way of life.

16. Happy women know you cant control your destiny, but you can participate in it.

17. Happy women know that forgiving doesn't let the offender off the hook; its lets YOU off the hook.

18. Happy women understand the 3 steps to self forgiveness:

Acknowledge the lesson you learned.

Recognize that you're now in a different place.

Know that you may make a new mistake tomorrow.

19. Happy women are never alone because they don't abandon themselves.

20. Happy women never see a bad situation as pervasive or permanent-- and they don't take it personally.

21. Happy women know that courage is taking constructive action in spite of fear.

22. Happy women know that happiness is not the art of building a trouble-free life but rather the art of responding well when trouble strikes.

23. Happy women know that before taking one more step up the career ladder, it's wise to know who and what is supporting that ladder and where that step is taking them.

24. Happy women know that if your looking for someone to share your life--including your career--you have to be proactive, and you can't compromise yourself. If you try to make your partner bigger by making yourself smaller, the relationship wont work.

25, Happy women know that with each phase of life, they give up something, but they also get something in return.

26. Happy women know that part of their identity is tied to what they do, but they never let what they do become their whole identity.

27. Happy women know that you can have it all, just not all at the same time.

28. Happy women know that grief in itself is not a trap. Believing that you can never transcend it is.

29.Happy women know that taking responsibility for your own happiness leads to growth and enlightenment, both of which are steps on the ladder toward transcending grief.

30. Happy women know that no one gets to be happy all the time.

31. Happy women know that a good attitude, valued relationships, and a meaningful life are the central ingredients for happiness.

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